Ask an expert: Is jealousy in a relationship okay?
鈥淚鈥檝e seen resources听comparing qualities of a supportive dating relationship with those of an unhealthy or abusive one. Jealousy sometimes comes up as a warning sign. But isn鈥檛 jealousy just a normal human emotion?鈥
It is true that having emotions is a completely normal part of being human. And jealousy is just that, an emotion!听 Our bodies are designed to physically and mentally interpret everything we are taking in to make sense of our experiences and the world around us. We rely on our culture, social environment, and past experiences to help make meaning of what we feel.听
Jealously is considered an unsupportive behavior听when that emotion leads someone to try to control, hurt, or belittle someone else. It鈥檚 not the emotion itself that is right or wrong, but what we do in response to it. An example of this includes when someone uses feeling jealous as an excuse to make another person feel bad about themselves or their choices, guilty for spending time with other friends, or to stop them from spending time with others.听
When the impact听of behavior does not support, celebrate, repair, or encourage the well-being of everyone in the relationship 鈥 then the behavior is worth examining. Relationships generally will have occasional moments where one or more people don鈥檛 behave in ways that are supportive. The aim is to try to limit the frequency and intensity of hurtful moments, compared to how often supportive behavior and repair happen.
The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) has more information on their website about behaviors that can be helpful in all kinds of relationships. OVA also provides free and confidential听support for you or a friend in a relationship that seems worrisome.
For more Ask An Expert and other relationship skill resources, follow .
Interested in continuing the conversation about relationships? Join us for on Friday, September 11, from 4鈥5:30 p.m. in C4C Abrams Lounge (3rd floor). We鈥檒l explore the topic further through conversation and activities with our co-sponsor, the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance.