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Dear Faculty Relations: In a recent meeting, one of my colleagues spoke harshly and rubbed some people the wrong way. I should have said something, but I was surprised and tongue-tied. What can I do now that the moment has passed? —Tongue-Tied and Tripped Up��

Dear Tongue-Tied: Freezing in the moment is common—especially when a comment catches us off guard. What matters is that you noticed the problem and want to foster repair.��

An approach known as calling in can help address moments like this in ways that support accountability while preserving relationships. It emphasizes our shared responsibility for maintaining a respectful environment.��

Calling in works best when it’s grounded in clear goals:��

• Clarify impact – Help someone understand how their comment or behavior affected others��

• Reinforce norms of collegiality – Remind ourselves and others what respectful engagement looks like��

• Set boundaries for the future – Name expectations going forward��

• Interrupt patterns – Address harmful comments or behaviors in a timely way so they don’t continue��

What does this look like in practice? Try to lead with curiosity to invite reflection and avoid making the other person defensive, and try to describe the impact of the comments without assuming the other person’s intention.��

Here’s what calling in a colleague after your meeting might sound like:��

“I want to revisit something from today’s meeting. Can we talk about how part of that exchange landed for me and others?”��

“Some of the feedback seemed to shut people down, and I’m guessing that wasn’t your intention. Can you help me understand where you were coming from?”��

The use of and rather than but is purposeful. In everyday speech, what follows but is what people hear as the real message. Using and allows everyone to consider opposing points equally and avoids making others defensive, all the while inviting accountability.��

You can also circle back at the next meeting to re-establish shared norms and restore trust.��

“Before we get to today’s agenda, let’s agree to slow things down and make space for different perspectives.”��

Each time you handle a hard moment with curiosity and compassion, you model for others how to engage across disagreements and strong emotions.��

Written by Teresa Wroe, Assistant Vice Chancellor of Prevention Education and Deputy Title IX Coordinator, and Julie Volckens, Senior Director of Assessment and Prevention��

Explore these skills further in the OIEC guide on calling people in for the classroom and beyond.��

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